He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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