I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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