I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls