I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.