my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.