I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN