is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?