This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball