We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.