I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.