We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.