He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.