I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
