tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
