I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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