Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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