So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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