I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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