Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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