She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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