Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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