In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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