Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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