its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
