OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
