So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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