last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
