Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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