i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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