WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize