Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
