Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
be right there i have to get my cape
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
