tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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