good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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