i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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