1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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