Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
