I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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