I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
