She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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