lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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