The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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