My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize