Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
