girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize