You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
