There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize