I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
