i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.