would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.