My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.