I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills