No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm too high and old for this...