I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
