just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
