I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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