i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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