i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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