That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
