At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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