Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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