WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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